My 34th year will go down as the year I healed my relationship with money.
In turn, I continued to heal my relationship with myself.
See, after having my highest earning year as a contracted coach, I was in financial ruin.
Because I was a compulsive underearner and didn’t have a strong relationship with money.
I was so ashamed to talk about money and carried a lot of shame from the way money was managed through my college years and my marriage.
For the past 10-years, budgeting was a word that brought on sincere panic.
Then, I left my job and ran out of money while launching my own practice late last year.
It was like a giant tornado of financial destruction had wreaked havoc on my life.
Again and again and again.
There was no one left to blame.
There were no more excuses that could me made.
The buck literally stopped here. With me.
This is the SOBERING reality of being in business for yourself. Honestly, I think it’s why a lot of people quit too - they can’t handle the pressure of figuring it out.
I knew I could no longer keep diverting my attention from the flaming shit storm of a financial fire that was burning in front of me.
I doubled down on healing my relationship with money.
I set a date with my internet teller and my budgeting tool once a week.
I started learning and implementing the habits of 6-figure earners.
I started logging into my bank account and checking my balances daily.
I stopped playing with credit cards and started to consolidate my debt.
I took the steps to set up my business to start earning a profit
I put my back taxes on a payment plan.
I took some part-time financial oxygen gigs to help keep me going.
I got super real about what I actually needed to spend money on each month.
6-months in to healing my relationship with money, I’m happy to say, that the ship never sank.
I was able to keep everything paid, without closing the doors on my practice.
I had to learn better ways to manage the pressure when it came up. I sought fuck tons of mentorship and support. I built a community of people on the same path.
It’s an ongoing and unfolding journey.
I’ll tell you this :: As an Elder Millennial - no one taught me about money.
Society modeled to me that I could take out loans for everything. That if I followed the blueprint, worked hard and kept up with the Jones’ that I would make it.
This NEVER felt like the truth to me.
The truth was that the issues with my relationship with money were directly related to my self-worth. They were rooted in codependent patterns I had been living my entire life. They kept me underpaid and overworked for over 12-years.
When I started to do the work to pull back the curtain on my relationship with money, I could see exactly how I ended up where I was - broke and brokenhearted, clawing for a way out.
Without judgement and by shedding shame, I’ve been able to take one step forward each day to make the landscape more representative of how I actually feel about myself now - Like The Queen of Pentacles.
The Queen of Pentacles charges her worth...and adds a tax