Holding the Tension of Opposites | 34 Lessons


“You can be both a masterpiece and a work in progress”

-Sophia Bush

A couple weeks ago, I stood in two states at one time and it got me thinking about this HUGE lesson I had to learn over the past 5 years and mostly over the past week.

When trauma and grief and difficult emotions of the like show up in our awareness, it can often feel like we need to choose which feelings we want to feel. Either this, OR that. Never both.

It can feel awkward to feel both happy and sad at the same time. Or even scared and excited in the same breath. Resentful and compassionate.

Language and conditioning seems to fail us on the idea of holding the tension of opposite emotions at the same time.

This has been especially present for me when I’ve been navigating big transitions like launching my own coaching practice, leaving a job or releasing myself from a relationship.

Learning to hold both can help us expand our awareness and grow our spirit.

It’s here where we trade in heaping doses of fear for the softening nature of love.

Holding both can look like this ::

  • I’m very loyal to my job and company 

  • ALSO: I know that if I am having panic attacks on the way to work, this job might not be a good fit for more.

  • The way you spoke to me hurt my feelings

  • ALSO : I take personal responsibility for the way I showed up and triggered your anger.

  • This new leap scares the living shit out of me

  • ALSO : My resilience and tenacity is unparalleled that I’m willing to endure the sacrifices of what I need to let go in order to meet this new challenge.

  • I am committed to my partner and love them unconditionally

  • ALSO : I love myself unconditionally and understand that if I’m being manipulated or I’m in ongoing pain that the relationship will not work for me and I’ll need to move on.

In each of these scenarios we choose both/and thinking over either/or thinking.

We decide that to build an understanding that developing a higher tolerance for uncertainty can be a driving  force or our deepest healing and transcend our biggest blocks.

We begin to see that to calm the chaos in our outer world, we must first go inside.

By diving into the deep waters of healing our mindset, choosing new storylines, and deciding that BOTH can exist, we offer ourselves more grace and more ease in our lives.