Guilt Serves No One | 34 Lessons

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Separation, breakups, and divorce can be complicated and emotionally charged.

I know the deepest guilt and shame I have felt was in releasing myself from my marriage.

I didn’t know how I would ever recover from the guilt of hurting someone I loved or the shame of walking away from my vows. I didn’t know if I would ever feel better or if I would be stuck in this cycle of misery forever.

What was greater than the guilt and shame? The intuitive knowing that if I stayed walking this path, I was likely not going to live the life I knew I deserved. It was at this time I needed to learn to transmute guilt and shame into something that served me.

When I started becoming aware of the fact that I was in control of my thoughts and emotions, I started to unravel years of guilt and shame that kept me bound in a cycle of self-loathing behavior.

Besides feeling generally bad about most things in my twenties, I was also a compulsive apologizer.

I followed almost everything I did or said with an “I’m sorry” even if I did nothing wrong.

It was almost as if I was apologizing for breathing at times.

When I started to look guilt and shame straight in the eyes, I realized that they are often two of the most under-serving emotions in the human experience.

While every emotion has its place,  the way we’ve been conditioned by society and organized religion to feel shameful for everything from our body hair to our sexuality to our relationships is taking a psychological toll on many people.

I decided that I wouldn’t be the type of person that let emotions manipulate me.

I decided that I would find a way to transmute these emotions into something that healed me.

When you replace guilt with gratitude, you soften.

Instead of “I’m sorry for being late”, you get, “Thanks for your patience while I was running behind”

Instead of lamenting our wrongdoings, we can practice more self-forgiveness and revel in the fullness of the richness of our lives.

When you trade shame for sacred surrender, you let go.

Instead of reliving your hurts over and over privately, you can hand them over or share them with someone else, ushering in more healing.

Instead of feeling perpetually judged or outcasted,  you remember that you have the best friend you’ll ever need - YOU.

Letting guilt and shame pass through you or transmuting them into gratitude and surrender, you demonstrate and enact high levels of self-love and in turn up-level in your self-worth game.

When you turn up the volume on your life, the universe will rise up to meet you.

Releasing myself from the grip of shame and guilt has given me a new level of emotional freedom.

I’m no longer caught in the choke hold of reliving the past over and over again.

I’m back in the driver seat of my best life.

And I’d have it no other way.