Sometimes lessons don’t bloom until their planted.
This was a lesson that bloomed for me in my 34th year.
The initial learning is housed in a small room in the basement of a church at an Al-Anon meeting. I heard a someone say ::
Expectations are premeditated resentments.
At the time it spoke to me. However, it wasn’t until I found myself sick, burned out, and living in the woods, that I could really understand what it meant.
I had an expectation that having more money, or living in the ideal place or finding a romantic relationship was going to bring me the unadulterated joy I had been craving.
I wrapped my expectations around every person, scenario, and condition that I could find. I ended up depleted, resentful and disappointed.
Thinking back over expectations, I recalled the learning from that small church basement room::
Expectations. Premeditated resentments.
How many of my disappointments were because I had WILD expectations?
What amount of resentment was related to people letting me down because they didn’t meet my expectations?
It’s one think to dream and visualize your ideal future self.
It’s another whole thing to hook yourself into postponing your happiness and wellbeing until other conditions and humans align to our expectations.
I have been able to forgive myself and others for those moments when I was heartbroken by other people’s bad behavior. I’ve also been able to reduce my tolerance for said bad behavior by getting clear on my core values.
I’ve traded in my expectations for wonder and awe. I’m only in anticipation of more lessons and more opportunities to grow.
The reward is in the journey of releasing our attachment to the end result.
It’s in here where more emotional freedom resides.